On the sorrows of being an Iranian student in the United States

TLDR: This whole Jeffery Ullman situation is pretty sad. But I am grateful that he wrote those things on his website. And for ACM to have awarded him the Turing award. Because we need a broader conversation on institutional discrimination, and this might help with it.

I don’t know Jeffery Ullman or his work. At all. I heard his name when he won the Award that’s apparently the biggest award in Computer Science. I just finished my doctoral studies in Computing and Information Systems at UNC-Charlotte. But I am a recent scholar who joined computation from other disciplines. Policy. Design. etc. I am pretty happy that there were a lot of people who did NOT look at my background and who I am like Ullman would. Like who I am, where I come from, what I have studied, where I studied. I am grateful to those people who helped me learn new things and contribute to research that falls under the broader field of Computer Science. The field in which Jeffery Ullman has achieved its highest honor.

So right now as I am writing this. I am on a Discord channel. Listening to my friends play games. Most of them are in Iran. Most of them are computer scientists or mathematicians. They are amazing and have helped me a lot. Some of them would’ve really liked to pursue their education in the US or some other country. But probably couldn’t because of some combination of family and financial issues, or just bad luck. I know some of them who tried and got rejected from many schools, two consecutive years, and well it’s just too expensive to keep trying.

I and many others are among the people who got admitted and came to the US. I first studied Urban Planning and Policy. Worked for a year or two. Then got a dual degree in Design and Information Technology. Then did my P.h.d in Computing and Information Systems. 8 years. from the moment I arrived in the US. I am about to go back home. After 8 years. And I am so happy. To be able to go back and visit my family. And I am so sad that I spent so many years not seeing them.

For many people. Coming to the US to study means being lonely. Away from family. Friends. It means hardly experience the living streets. The really good food. It means not really being able to go to a real cafe and read poetry with friends. Or to a theater performance that’s affordable. Or just the normal things people might do with their society. Sure. It also means being able to see Leonard Cohen. Nine Inch Nails. Nick Cave, and Tool. It means you can drink alcohol in a bar if you want. And say political shit pretty freely. You can go to Disney Land if you are in Flordia. If you love shopping. Then everywhere in the US is pretty much Disney Land.

But for me and probably many others, it involves a lot of depressing things.

I am considered one of the lucky ones. Because I ONLY had to experience the loneliness and financial problems and pressures of having to make something work with research and having to choose between my work or my home. I had a decent experience with my colleagues and peers and professors.

But just Imagine being denied from the beginning by reasons like the ones counted by Ullman. Or being a student in the US and being treated like that by a person like Ullman. Or that institutions do not really care about the fact that a person like Ullman and others are so self-righteous to even think those things. Let alone write them proudly and self-righteously on a website.

The reality is. For me, during my years in school. The loneliness was a pretty hefty part of it.

But for others, that’s not even the biggest problem. For many, the fear of not being worthy, the fear of not being good enough, the fear of losing what little thing they are achieving, the very things they had to abandon almost all of their lives so that they can pursue that thing. That fear could be the biggest monster they face. And many advisers and institutions just do not see that.

I have seen many advisors. TOO many advisors treat with disregard to their students’ situation and life. The number of times I had to calm a friend down because their advisor asked them to do some crazy work over the weekend after working countless hours during the week is just crazy. It’s just too many cases that I ALONE have experienced. An adviser telling a student:

“Come up with an idea and write a paper in two weeks, or I’ll cut your funding”.

Being treated like this would be pretty hard for anyone. But it’s really hard for these students can’t really go home. So they just endure. They are really stuck. I mean they technically can leave. With a Jeffery Ullman kind of logic, they should be happy that some schools in the United States made a mistake and allowed them to enter. Even though they are vile just due to being from a specific country. And if they are not happy, the exit door is always open. They should be happy that they can make a little bit of money. And work countless hours for it and be threatened for it.

The reality is. For whatever reason, they have decided and were able to come to the US. And then they are faced with this reality of academia where they are supposed to be a genius, artist, robot, economic, P.h.d student.

And trust me. Dear advisers. The number of times your Iranian students (and probably other international students) go home crying before calling their parents an hour later while smiling and telling them how great everything is, Is countless.

Now imagine having gone through that depression. Loneliness. Being away from home. for so many years. Just working on your research. Countless hours. Just imagine on top of the crazy competitive nature of academia. In which you are competing with people from brand schools who are great, but have had a lot of resources and connections. Just imagine. On top of all of that, you KNOW that people like Ullman exist and they would discriminate against you, silently or subconsciously. They would use their influence to have you not be admitted. Or not get that one job that you are more than qualified for. Imagine knowing that. And having to go through it.

I know a lot of people can imagine that. Women can. African Americans can. the LGBTQ can. Poor people can. International students who have no home. Also can.

So I am grateful to Jeffery Ullman. Because of his self-righteousness and privilege to be able to write those stuff on his website. And I am grateful to ACM for not giving a crap about that. Because the conversation on institutional discrimination in academia is just too fringe. And maybe such incidents can bring it to the surface.

P.S. Sorry for my lousy writing. I’m kinda emotional right now.